i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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