You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
