next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
