don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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