This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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