I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
