don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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