I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
