the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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