Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
