I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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