Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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