...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
