of course. lets lasso hookers.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
