my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
