I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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