Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
