Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
