And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
