i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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