I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
