Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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