so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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