Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
do nipples grow back?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
