big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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