Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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