Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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