sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
