New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
