so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
