if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
