ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
