Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't deserve a penis
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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