Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
