I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
