On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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