There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
