Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
