Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
