i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
