Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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