awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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