There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
