If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
