my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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