yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
