If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
