I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
