im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
