hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
