I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
