I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
