The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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