I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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